I have a confession to make… I now watch felicity. it’s on 7pm on “WE” every weekday, and while I don’t catch it all the time, I get it a couple nights a week. it’s a pretty good show, although I am glad I didn’t get hooked during college, wednesday nights was the one time I actually got stuff done! I think it helps with the missing of you all. (which I’m doing a lot of, I just got all teary-eyed in the middle of the library reading everybody’s entries)

Things around here are going ok. work is just work, but I have four applications for grad school sitting on my coffee table, and I’m going to actually start looking at them and filling them out, etc. I think I’m going to give Grad Student Mike and that English prof Jen and I had (what was his name again?)a call and see if he feels like writing me a stellar recommendation.

I’m in a bit of a funk at the moment (probably the main reason for the tears). I know it’s not supposed to matter to me or anything, but Steve’s got a new girl. I went to the movies with Lynn, Kim, and Matt last night, and when we got back to Matt’s house (aka Steve’s) he was sitting on the couch with this girl, and I saw his hand on her leg. BIG HUGE IMMEDIATE STOMACH ACHE. I didn’t run away, and I didn’t flip out, but I was shaking a little as I introduced myself, grabbed a glass of water, and promised myself I would stay till the end of the cubs game and then go home. Her name is Lori, and she was nice, cute, had good things to contribute to the conversation, and was perfectly ok with Steve acting like himself. I have absolutely no problem with her. she’s a good girl for steve to be seeing. and I’m happy that he’s going out and being happy. but if all that is true, why do I have this huge stomach ache and feel like I’m in a big near tears haze? I think it’s purely selfish reasons, like the fact that I miss somebody telling me I’m pretty and somebody holding me, and all that mushy stuff. and it probably doesn’t help that being a girl is going to suck in a couple days (aka getting zapped, T.O.M, etc) I think I’m in shock. it keeps going in waves of feeling ok about it, and feeling like we just broke up all over again. and I’m incredibly frustrated with myself for feeling like this. it’s been almost a year for crying out loud!! and he’s been on dates since then!! and I don’t even really want to be with him again because, by the end, he wasn’t that good to me in the first place! grrrrr… I can’t wait to get out of here and not have to deal with any drama related to him again. that probably sounds cowardly, and I don’t know if that’s really what I mean, but sometimes it feels like the only way I can move on is to get him out of my life completely, and that’s just not going to happen as long as we are in the same town. on the other hand, I don’t want to lose the friend that I have either. I just need to be able to sort out my feelings, ditch the annoying mushy ones, and only keep the good and healthy ones. in fact, I already feel a little bit better for talking to you all about this, so thank you a whole whole bunch. for those of you who are SO sick and tired of hearing about steve, I apologize for you having to read that last marathon paragraph. 🙂

on to better things!
the red sox are going to kick some yankee tail, and that will make me ecstatic. the Bingamton Senators hockey league starts tonight and Lynn and I have tickets. RENT is playing at the forum tomorrow, and kim and I are planning on going, and Monday is supposed to be a good day, so I’m celebrating Christopher Columbus’s discovery of america by discovering Watkins Glen and the beautiful leaves and waterfalls. woohoo!!
next weekend I get to crash at my brothers apartment (which is bigger than the one I had last year, although my new apt kicks his) and then my mom, my sister, and I are going to massachusettes to visit family. I haven’t seen family in a while, including my immediate family, so I’m wicked psyched.

congrats to caitlin and sam for 5 years and I’m sure an awesome to trip to cancoon, can’t wait to hear about it, and double congrats on the first semester of med school!! I think about dawn-the-girl a bunch and get wait for her to get back to the communication world. Shira, I’m glad things are going well for you in california, I think it’s time we started arranging a time for me to invade (if that’s ok). Frances, I am sooo proud of all the stuff you are doing, it sounds really cool, and interesting to boot! if you’ve got time in that busy schedule of yours, we should set up a day trip or something. caitlin l. good luck getting ready for the big move, and although you haven’t found an art job yet, I think volunteering at the museam (man, I can’t spell, I just tried tha three different ways and it kept looking funny) is a great plan. Jen, congrats on the grown-up job!! how exciting, your off in the world and kicking tail. laura, haven’t heard from you recently, so I hope that mean work is going well and that things are a good kind of busy. jess, did you decide which way to go as far as a job? and you’ve found your tartan right? so I hope plans are going well.

my love to all of you and your significant others. I love that we have this to keep in touch. I feel so much better after “visiting” with you all. hugs to everyone!!!