Mittens: Not Just For Hand-Warming Anymore

The best thing about Upstate NY in the wintertime is dancing with mittens on. Cold weather gear and hip hop music are meant to be together. And I, for one, am doing my part to unite them.

I can’t help myself! The opportunities for excitement are not exactly breaking my door down here in LeRoy, so when a good song comes on during the commute to/from work, you better bet I’m car-dancing to that tune!! Besides, you’d have to be insane not to wear hand and head gear in this FOUR DEGREE weather, so I’m positive that people all over Western New York are doing exactly the same thing.

Here are some pointers to keep in mind when you try it out:

HipHop car-dancing mittens should be as large as possible–humungous and have at least four layers of insulation– you should feel like you’re wearing really warm scuba diving flippers…on your hands. My winter hat was knitted by Nonnie a really long time ago, and isn’t actually mine, but I’ve confiscated it on such a permanent basis now that no one remembers it’s not mine. Ding! Like many hand-knitted garments, it doesn’t exactly fit the way it’s supposed to but if your winter hat slips down over your eyes a little, so much the better: incognito is good. Really, any winter hat will do because they’re all pretty dorky. Coupled with The Cloak Of Darkness (a floor-length black down comforter with a Dracula collar) or other winter cloak of choice, you’ve got yourself a hip hopping car jiving winter dance ensemble (pron. ahhhn-sawwwm-BLEUGH).

I’ve discovered that the mittens are great for rappy sort of songs like “We In The Red Light District” by Ludacris. The more syncopation the better. Three cheers for s-to-the-nyck-izzo-pation. Classic dance moves like “DJ Spins the Tables” (awickka whikka whikka whik) and “Pretend to Be a Rap Artist” are really dramatic and – I feel – much more effective with mittens on. And the head bob! Newsflash: Winter hats do more than just conserve body heat. All those creative juices that usually fly out through the tips of your hair are now capped and reflected back down through your body. It’s a special energy that flows between hat and mittens– the rhythm nurtured and warmed by the tea cozy on your head. Your mittens transformed into divining rods for The Beat.

Just remember to use caution when doing The Figure Eight with your hips (one of my favorite dance moves), because when your right hip bone goes forward, the car tends to accelerate quite a bit…

Where’s MotorMouth when we need them?!