January, 2005

Mittens: Not Just For Hand-Warming Anymore

The best thing about Upstate NY in the wintertime is dancing with mittens on. Cold weather gear and hip hop music are meant to be together. And I, for one, am doing my part to unite them.

I can’t help myself! The opportunities for excitement are not exactly breaking my door down here in LeRoy, so when a good song comes on during the commute to/from work, you better bet I’m car-dancing to that tune!! Besides, you’d have to be insane not to wear hand and head gear in this FOUR DEGREE weather, so I’m positive that people all over Western New York are doing exactly the same thing.

Here are some pointers to keep in mind when you try it out:

HipHop car-dancing mittens should be as large as possible–humungous and have at least four layers of insulation– you should feel like you’re wearing really warm scuba diving flippers…on your hands. My winter hat was knitted by Nonnie a really long time ago, and isn’t actually mine, but I’ve confiscated it on such a permanent basis now that no one remembers it’s not mine. Ding! Like many hand-knitted garments, it doesn’t exactly fit the way it’s supposed to but if your winter hat slips down over your eyes a little, so much the better: incognito is good. Really, any winter hat will do because they’re all pretty dorky. Coupled with The Cloak Of Darkness (a floor-length black down comforter with a Dracula collar) or other winter cloak of choice, you’ve got yourself a hip hopping car jiving winter dance ensemble (pron. ahhhn-sawwwm-BLEUGH).

I’ve discovered that the mittens are great for rappy sort of songs like “We In The Red Light District” by Ludacris. The more syncopation the better. Three cheers for s-to-the-nyck-izzo-pation. Classic dance moves like “DJ Spins the Tables” (awickka whikka whikka whik) and “Pretend to Be a Rap Artist” are really dramatic and – I feel – much more effective with mittens on. And the head bob! Newsflash: Winter hats do more than just conserve body heat. All those creative juices that usually fly out through the tips of your hair are now capped and reflected back down through your body. It’s a special energy that flows between hat and mittens– the rhythm nurtured and warmed by the tea cozy on your head. Your mittens transformed into divining rods for The Beat.

Just remember to use caution when doing The Figure Eight with your hips (one of my favorite dance moves), because when your right hip bone goes forward, the car tends to accelerate quite a bit…

Where’s MotorMouth when we need them?!


I’ve been having quite a bit of trouble with stairs lately–and boy have I got the bruises to prove it! Last Sunday was The Rio Bamba‘s holiday party, which I attended–arriving fashionably late as usual. The highlight of the party was the rented karaoke machine. And though I didn’t participate in the singing so much, it was hard to resist the open bar.

Met up with Dave and Matt and Kris afterwards for a few large glasses of water and to catch up, of course! There was a huge snowstorm that night, and since some of the drinks we had consumed were spiked, we all stayed at Kristina’s house.

Let me just preface this by saying that I have never been to Kristina’s house before, and therefore am not familiar with the architectural eccentricites of her domicile. I’m pretty sure that’s why I fell down the stairs the first time. My socks were starting to fall off a little too, so that didn’t help.

Picture this carpeted stairway–there are twenty steps that lead up to the second floor–interrupted in the middle with a small landing. I was at the top, and the first step down was fine, but the second step was a little trickier, and somehow I ended up sliding on my butt/elbows down to the landing. Laughing hysterically (and trying not to cry too much), I got up and proceeded to fall down the second set of stairs.

Oh, billy. Apparently some of that liquor hadn’t worn off yet.

Later that night, after a raucous dance party in the living room, I fell down both flights a second time.

And again, the next morning on my way out.

Yeah, that’s three times in less than 18 hours. Embarrasing? Yes. Painful? OH LORD. A whole week later, I can still hardly walk!!

It doesn’t help that I fell TWICE more on the concrete steps outside work this week. Concrete. Once with an apron full of tomatoes.

I don’t think I’ve ever had this many bruises before. And I’ve certainly never had this much difficulty traversing stairways.

Microwave Energy

I was making my second pot of tea this morning and left the tea bag in the pot on accident. The staple sent a few sparks flying, reminding me of the time I invited Lauren Amiss over for hot chocolate when I was in kindergarten.

Apparently no one in my family had ever made as large a batch of hot chocolate as I intended to make that day, because I remember having to ask my Mom what type of vessel I should concoct this vast quantity of warm chocolate goodness in. She shouted from her sewing room “The tea kettle!” (she was sewing me a new pair of coulots). So I filled up the kettle and put it in the nuke for about 5 minutes.

Oh, Billy.

That baby exploded!! Loud popping noises and a strange smell brought Mom running into the kitchen, where she promptly stopped the microwave and threw the burning kettle into the snow (or maybe she just put it under running water, I can’t quite remember…). I remember being very upset because Lauren was due to arrive any minute now and I had no hot chocolate to give her. Our microwave was never quite the same after that.

What microwave experiments have you tried?

Oooh, Testy!

I really detest slow drivers on one lane streets (you know the kind with double lines and oncoming traffic in the other lane). GOD They’re so annoying!! Especially at night when it’s snowing, because you really just can’t pass anyone. Driving home tonight I had to actively restrain myself from laying on the horn and ramming into the back of some guy’s 1982 sky blue chevrolet. Is it REALLY necessary to go 35 in a 55?!?! Seriously. The roads are not that bad.

Minnie Mae managed to manipulate her leash around the farthest tree from the house when I put her on her run this evening. You know that means: tramping through the wind & ice storm to untangle her from said bush because she couldn’t figure out how to do it herself. GAHIGAHGISDHS. Obviously not in a great mood and super tired and just…done.

P.S. One good thing is that I got new glasses the other day and they really make me look like I do in the above “profering chocolates” photo! I love having glasses again–(I sat on the last pair after a rough night at work)–my eyes can breathe! I should re-do the logo and insert the real me sporting my new glasses! Ha!

Time Warp

The Forbidden. Reading other peoples’ secret writings holds such allure. I know it’s wrong: the ultimate invasion of privacy (after identity theft…). But aren’t you all just dying to know what other people write about you in their diaries? I’ve decided to randomly share some entries from my diary with you–to break the boundries between us if you will. Feel free to reciprocate!

Diary Entry
December 27, 1998
Santa Monica, CA

“So here I am in California having a simply marvelous time! Arrived yesterday afternoon and have been living like a princess ever since…”

1 of 2